I can't even believe that this happened, I am always really careful about the door lock--because I am fully aware of the fact that there is no one inside to let me in.
It all happened on a hot and humid Sunday afternoon. I had no plans for the day, and therefore, I laid around all day reading a book and watching re-runs of the Jersey Shore. I also did not change out of my pajamas or shower. Don't judge--Its West Virginia for goodness sake. Anyway, I lounge around all day...around 5pm the dog decides she has to go out to potty. I grab the leash and we head out the door. Normally, i don't pull the door shut all the way--but the air conditioner was on and I was not going to pay to cool the outdoors. It must be the Kukacka in me. :)
The dog goes out in the yard, does her buisness and we go back to the front of the house to go in--and the door is locked! EFF! what am i going to do? No one is on the inside to let me in!
I think for a minute.
I had the windows open earlier in the day, before the heat got unbearable. I figure maybe i left the sliding door or a window unlocked. I know this isn't true, but its worth a shot.
I climb over the patio railing, go to pull the sliding door--but no luck.
I then pull the screens off of all the windows in the living-room and the bedroom.--No luck there either. Everything is locked.
I think some more.
I remember that I was never able to get the kitchen window locked, I know its open and in can get in there.
I pull off the screen and the window slides right open! YES!! we are back in business.
Now, how am i going to get my ass up there? This kitchen window is a good 6 feet off the ground, and its a little mini window. I go back to the patio and get my outdoor chair. I stand on it, but there is no way that it is tall enough for me to get my big ass up and in that window. I then stand on the arms of the chair.
Funny thing about standing on the arms of the chair is that--they are meant to support the weight of Arms...not entire bodies. So, as you can imagine--they break.
GREAT! this is just effing fantastic! I am now drenched in sweat, because it is about 100 degrees with a 90% humidity! not only that, i have been wearing these pajamas for at least 20 hours and have not showered all day.
I think some more.
I try again to get into the window--it aint happening. As i am standing looking in, i see my keys on the far counter. I think all i need to do is get those keys.
I think some more--and it comes to me!
I go to the back of the house again, and pull out the sheppards hook i have bird feeders hanging on. I take this 10 foot pole to the window, and stick it in.
Just as i am putting this giant rod into the window my neighbors exit there houses and wonder what in the hell i am doing. I try and explain the situation, but they don't believe me. They say they have never seen me before, yadda, yadda, yadda. I am like are you kidding me? Do you think that if i was breaking in to a house i would do it through the front window in pajamas--no less!? Get Real! I am pretty sure they are going to call the cops.
This should be good to explain at work, when i end up in jail for Breaking and Entering.
While they are still talking to each other, i go back to trying to fish my keys out with a giant sheppard's hook!
I just keep thinking to myself that this is going to be all over if i drop the keys.
I carefully hook the keys and slowly pull them out of the window. YES!
I am completely soaked in sweat, i feel like i just got out of the shower! I open the door and go in. I then have to put all the screens back in and return the hook to the back yard.
I sit down on the couch--completely exhausted! I think i need a beer.
What....an embarrassment. I am just glad that i got in, before they called the police.
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